Many of you reading this have known me for years, and many of you for mere moments. If we’re new friends, welcome! And I apologize that your first impression of me is this version of myself. I am not apologizing for who I am right now, only that you’re not meeting me at my best.

No matter how long you’ve known me, you may not know that I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder called Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis in April 2011. It is an invisible disease to you, but not to me. While I don’t look much different to you, I notice all the little Hashi changes …

This time last year, I was modeling for Papillon Enterprise. I was at my best weight in years, my skin glowing and hair on-point.

Today, I see all the signs of the return of Hashimoto’s: puffiness in my face, awkward hairline changes, clumps of hair falling out, achy joints, extreme fatigue, moodiness, memory and hearing loss, and weight gain.

I am not my best self. Add in a deep depression brought on by deep wounds, struggles in our home, and the stress of our life in Haiti and I have pretty much become my worst self.

And yet, somehow, through it all – the breakdown, the tears, the emergency evacuation with my girls – I have hope. Actually, I finally have true hope for the first time in a long time. I know the work that is involved in my healing, but I also know that I was created to be able to handle it so that I could do more with my life than just suffer. I have hope that I can get through the hard work I need to do on my heart, soul, and body. I have hope that I will come out the other side stronger and better than ever.