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I have felt myself hardened lately – angry and vengeful. Yet, as I have searched deeper within myself, I realize that it is actually a great burden I bear for the children and orphanage where we used to volunteer. After spending a significant amount of time there, we felt compelled to help the situation of these people we had grown to love. And so we agreed to take on additional responsibilities, that we did not go to Haiti for, just to help those we cared so deeply about.

We saw countless horrors while there:

We saw the nannies not get paid for months on end. We saw the children with disabilities get treated horribly. We saw toddlers beg for water from their care-givers. We saw them get whipped with sticks and toys. We saw a young boy come in – he told me how he was picked up on the street near his home; they never looked for his parents – his momma probably thinks her son is dead. We saw teams of people brought in as though the orphanage was a petting zoo. We saw Americans volunteer and fall in love … we warned them that it is no longer ethical or legal under new adoption laws to adopt a child you already met. We saw the American organization skip over our reports of sexual abuse that we believed to be taking place (and later found to be true). We saw them aide and abet unethical adoptions “for God’s glory”.

But allowing innocent children to be removed from their families, to be abused, to be neglected, to be unloved this way … nothing about that is for the glory of the Lord and it sickens me that they say that.

We tried everything we could to be a voice for the children, for their dignity.

We begged with those in charge to listen, to change, we demanded better … we did everything we could do and more … and their stories haunt me, keep me up at night – they make my skin crawl and my stomach sick.

A new couple is there now, just like we were, and there will be another after they leave … and another, and another. A new sign, playground equipment, and beds aren’t going to change what happens behind the closed doors. It’s a sugar-coating on the hell that these children live in. Cosmetic upgrades will never fix the real issues – they merely mask them like makeup covering a bruise. It doesn’t matter how many people come in for change, for over 15 years this orphanage has operated under the guise of Christianity and poverty.

Until this week, I didn’t know how I would ever sleep well until they are no longer allowed to exploit the precious “orphan”. And as I sat on the beach yesterday, I read Psalm 94 and wept with joy at these verses:

“The Lord is a God who avenges. O God who avenges shine forth.” (Psalm 94:1)

Thank heavens! He avenges … He loves JUSTICE and He serves it in HIS timing, not mine! He is all-knowing, all-seeing and He will avenge their wrongdoings – in this life or in the eternal one, but I can rest knowing that!

“But the Lord has become my fortress, and my God the rock in whom I take refuge. He will repay them for their sins and destroy them for their wickedness; the Lord our God will destroy them.” (Psalm 94:22-23)

I can rest in the Lord’s peace knowing that justice is served by the One who created it all … that He will destroy them. (WOW! That is serious stuff!) And He will be my place of refuge from the sadness, the pain, the overwhelming disgust at their sin and wickedness. Praise God for being the safe zone amongst the evil of the world.