There is something about it – this life, in Haiti, in this line of work – that makes old wounds resurface. Perhaps it is the endless need we see, or the heat, traffic, and stress of living in a developing country. I don’t know that the reason actually matters, but it happened – I got to my make or break moment about two weeks ago.
I realized that so much I thought was healed, was not. The rejections from my past would resurface every time I felt unloved or left out. It was made even worse by a foster child determine to prove how much he hates me. The shame from things that happened in my past would rear their ugly heads on occasion, proving the ghosts still haunted me. So much pain still lingered – I thought I had packed it all away. Evidently not!
One day in a fit of tears and anger, after contemplating my fate, instead I looked at myself and decided there were 2 choices: drown in my old wounds and sorrows, or finally heal all those old wounds.
It just so happened that I got a video clip in my email box about a new book called Heart Made Whole – I watched and knew immediately it was what my heart needed. I ordered it in that instant and it was shipped and to my home in Haiti within a week.
I threw myself a life raft. I’m grabbing on with one hand … and hopefully, after reading and working through this, I’ll be pulling myself – and my girls – to safety. It will be a challenge to dig so deep, to be so honest about the pains my heart has felt. But I also happen to know that if I don’t finally do this, I will never get the chance to live out the destiny God set out for me.
I’ll be sharing soon how this book worked for us, but in the meantime – have you ever suffered from heartbreak/deep depression? If so, how did you work through it?